Tuesday, June 28, 2016

Who I Truly Am: A Tribute to Kristy Cambron's The Ringmaster's Wife & Giveaway


"We only see what we want to see-in people, in love, and in life. It's a choice, my dear ... You choose the face you offer the world. And it's only behind the costumes and masks that we can be who we truly are." -Mable Ringling, The Ringmaster's Wife

I just finished an amazing novel by the lovely Kristy Cambron that takes place beneath the glitz and spotlight of the Big Top. Who knew a story about a circus could affect me ... but it did. 

The best part of stories is their ability to reach into the reader's soul and shift beliefs, pain, memories in a way that changes people. Not all stories can do this. It's about as magical and mystical as The Greatest Show on Earth.

Mable Ringling's words through the eloquence of Ms. Cambron's prose challenged me. Enlightened me. Affected me. And I wanted to share that with you. You'll be able to read my review this Thursday but today I want share something more personal and hope it'll allow you to see who I truly am.

Not so long ago a childhood friend sent me a private message on Facebook. She complimented me on my parenting ability and as a new mom wanted to know how to do it. How can she be successful like me when right now in the midst of toddler chaos she feels like everything is falling apart?  

I was humbled. This friend knew the origins of where my motherhood journey began and in her eyes what she saw was success-through the mask and costume of Facebook. I was embarrassed. I should've been pleased. Proud-even. But what I wanted to tell my friend is that everything she was seeing-the smiling pictures of posted success was only a tiny fraction of the reality I was living. It was just a mask. 

And so I told her the truth. I thanked her but immediately admitted that most of what she saw on Facebook is just a mask allowing me to show the world what I want them to see while hiding who I truly am. 

So who am I truly?

I'm a girl who at age seven wanted to live with Jesus forever and told Him so.
I'm a girl who at age seven began to be sexually abused by a family member for four years introducing me to insecurity, low self-worth, and an intolerance for sleeping without my parents nearby, the hall light on, and the door opened.
I'm a girl who struggled for acceptance after continuous rejection by the people I loved and trusted most.
I'm a girl who became pregnant at seventeen and chose to keep her baby and marry her boyfriend because it was the right thing to do.
I'm a girl who still struggles today with insecurity, self-worth, and puts on a mask to hide the fear that I'm never going to be good enough.

It's that last admission that hurts my heart the most because if I'm going to be honest I'm going to admit that my journey of faith that started when I was seven hasn't been as strong as I proclaim it to be from behind my mask. Behind my mask I'm questioning God's purpose for my life. His reasoning for allowing me to be abused. His faithfulness that I won't be alone in the journey.



"'This building up of what we want doesn't have to be a tearing down of who we are. It's the worst kind of extravagance to think we're above adversity. Isn't that what God calls of us, to acknowledge that we are moving with this undercurrent of something that is always at work around us? Something bigger that we could ever be as just one person?'"-Mable Ringling, The Ringmaster's Wife

Who am I truly?

I am a girl who God knew would need Him at age seven so He stirred her heart.
I am a girl who survived abuse and rejection of the worst kind and God offered a man who would love me and honor me and cherish me in spite of what I believe about myself.
I am a girl who has seen the grace and mercy of God's forgiveness every single day I look upon my children's faces. 
I am a girl who realizes that faith is a journey. A relationship with the One who found me worthy, beautiful, and good enough to call His own. And it's time I:

"'Put your faith in something bigger than yourself.'"-Mable Ringling, The Ringmaster's Wife

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways submit to him,
and he will make your paths straight."
-Proverbs 3:5-6

Thank you for allowing me to share a piece of my heart! I'm excited to offer a fun giveaway in anticipation of my review of The Ringmaster's Wife! One lucky winner will receive a copy of Kristy Cambron's novel, The Ringmaster's Wife (their choice of book or eBook), and an awesome leather wrap bracelet from Good Works featuring Proverbs 3:5-6, which I think beautifully sums up my feelings about this great book!
Winner will be announced 7/2/16

a Rafflecopter giveaway

10 comments :

  1. Thanks so much for sharing your story! I'm so sorry for the heartache you have had to walk through but know that God will use your sharing it for your healing and others'--and for His glory! 🙌

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  2. You are such a beautiful person inside and out! We are so blessed to have you in our lives and part of our family.

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  3. Thank you for sharing your heart with us. You encourage us!!

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  4. Love you! You are one in a million, and I am proud and blessed to call you ohana! Carry on!

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  5. Thanks so much for stopping by Becca and for your encouraging words! I truly hope that my story might be a blessing to someone else and always for God's glory! <3

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  6. Thank you Jay! I feel blessed to have your family in my life too!

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  7. Thanks Susan! It's always a little scary to share a piece of your heart. I appreciate your kind words!

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  8. Aww, Ro-you're so sweet! Love that your my ohana too!

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  9. Thank you so much for this heart felt post! Blessings to you!

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